Tales From The Golden Age
The legend of the official visit
I see.
We do, Comrade Secretary, we have flags and flowers...
We've got in some nice cows too.
Well, better to have too much than too little.
We got what we could together.
Pigeons? No...
We have pigeons that fly, but not trained ones.
We'll figure something out.
You're making an inspection today?
We'll sort it out by six.
Yes sir!
Comrade Mayor is on duty.
I'll tell him... Sir!
Mihaita, keep an eye on the phone.
- Gogu! - What is it?
- We'll need some pigeons. - Pigeons? Right.
Today.
Comrade Sandu is making an inspection today.
- Oh, dear! - We'll need them by 2 pm.
How many?
Don't know. See what you can find.
- Where's Comrade Mayor? - He was at home.
Hey, listen up!
I'll be gone half an hour, but I'm watching you.
Everything has to be ready when I get back. Got it?
You! Come with me!
Listen, where's Florica?
Pa! Come out a minute!
What is it?
Oh, hello!
Florica, we need pigeons by two o'clock.
Isn't the motorcade passing tomorrow?
Yes, but the general inspection is today.
I don't have any pigeons.
You had some last year.
They were my brother-in-law's and he ate them.
Where does he live?
At Viziresti.
Wait a second...
- When do you start the carousel? - Tomorrow.
Any chance tonight?
If the Comrade Policeman gives us petrol.
I could've given you some last night
but you didn't show up.
Parrots are no good.
Come on!
Hurry up Victor! The motorcade'll be here by the time you're done!
Fix up those holes!
Get a move on! We've an inspection this afternoon!
Hello Dinca!
Clean up that cow shit!
Hello!
Blue goes next to the pole!
Put the blue end at the pole!
What are you staring at? You've nothing to do?
Where's your flag?
Unfurl it all the way!
All the way! That's it!
What I wish for you, dear
Sweet Romania, my glorious country, my beloved land:
Wish you a strong hand,
A powerful weapon, and: : :
Up to your past: : :
Out of your past: : :
Out of your great past: : :
As great a future, at last!
Well done, Vasilica! Go.
- Comrade Mayor... - What?
Nothing. Why are you so jumpy?
Gheorghita, this visit has me so worried!
Relax! It'll all be fine!
- Did you call at Pucheni? - Yes.
They were told the motorcade isn't stopping in the villages,
but to be ready just in case.
The county office called.
There'll be an inspection along the route.
A rehearsal. Don't get nervous, or else I get nervous too.
- Did you take your tablets? - I haven't had time.
Take them now!
Oh, Gheorghita, I wish it were all over.
Relax, it'll be fine. You'll see!
I understand.
We put up flags... That's all we had...
I understand. Good day, sir!
I spoke with Bulbucata
and we must have red party flags. I've asked them to send us some.
At Adancatele, they asked why nothing was hanging from the trees.
Let's hang some fruit from the trees so they're not bare.
It'll look ridiculous.
We'll make a stand with fruits and vegetables, like Harvest Day.
Shall we make sarmale with cabbage leaves or vine leaves?
Both! Stop asking me questions!
At Branesti, they wanted slogans,
but not at Bulbucata.
They say one thing, then another.
Yes.
With the inspection, they haven't had time to eat or drink.
He'll be starving when he gets here.
Fine!
We'll give him some of our wine to perk him up!
You think he'll stay for lunch?
I suppose. We're the last village.
No pigeons, but we have these Cornish hens.
They're no good, they can't fly.
What are you up to?
Asshole! Watch your whore of a daughter!
It's coming!
The car's coming!
Put the books under that box.
Hurry up, Victor! They'll catch us out of breath!
It's coming! The car's coming!
Come on. Everybody up! The banners!
Get that out of here! Bring the cow over!
Bring the cow over! Quickly!
Come on! Everybody up!
- Who's at the banner with you? - Mihaita.
- Where is he? - He has stomach cramps.
Cramps?
All together, now...
Hurray! Hurray!
Peace! Peace!
Why have they stopped?
Quick, bring the bread and salt. Come on, Pioneers!
Down with the neutron bomb!
Welcome to our village!
What's with the cow? Why is it on the road?
At Bulbucata, I heard they brought some animals out.
They were sheep, not cows.
The delegation includes guests from India. So, no cows.
No problem, we'll get rid of them.
We should get some sheep.
They're grazing, Comrade Mayor.
Get them!
Gogu!
- Yes, sir! - Bring some sheep down.
What are you doing here?
I thought they might recite a poem if the cavalcade stops.
- It won't. - Just in case...
Look at his ears!
- He's Comrade Mayor's grandson. - So what?
Vasilica, go home! Send your sister here.
What's that fair doing here?
What fair?
It's the village fair tomorrow, we organize it every year.
- Have it removed. - Yes.
Remove it.
We found some pigeons
to throw in the air.
- White ones. - Make them white.
So, can you get some sheep?
We're doing our best!
What's that smell?
It's from the chicken farm. The wind brings it.
Come and see our stand.
If you shut it down, why did I bother coming?
It's an order!
Who from?
It's a Party decision.
Let's try and talk with them.
Stay out of this!
It'll take time.
Hey!
Take it down!
I'll tell you a better one.
In '79, I visited the People's Republic of China and India!
They served us snake.
Did you eat it?
Sure! We couldn't offend them!
But I pretended.
- Would you like some? - Trout!
You have trout here?
We have a trout farm in the village.
Did you know trout's the easiest fish to digest?
Indeed, fish is the healthiest meat.
It contains iron. Look! These red dots.
Where?
There!
- I don't have my glasses. - They're iron deposits.
Wow! I had no idea!
Go tell the farm to prepare a load of trout.
No.
- Yes, it's a pleasure. - Another drink?
OK, but this time, everybody drinks!
Just a drop for me!
Cheers!
Here's to tomorrow's visit!
Where's the toilet?
Over there.
We've got the goats.
They called to say...
- Sheep! - Yes, sheep...
They're on their way.
Well done!
See? No problem.
It's not over until they've passed through tomorrow!
Our Comrade Mayor is very pessimistic.
Comrade Sandu is a nice fellow. I heard he was tougher.
That's his way. He works hard and plays hard.
He loves music, parties, fiddlers, traditional music...
He's from the country too.
Gheorghita, you have musicians?
- Gogu. - Yes, sir!
- Florica! - What?
Drop everything and come with me!
Come and sing for Comrade Mayor.
- I bring my cembalo? - Yes!
Hurry!
- Another drink? - No!
I have to work tomorrow and we should go now.
Just a drop.
Everybody!
- Not for me. - Comrade Mayor, I said everybody!
Cheers!
Hey, come here!
You know the Tudorita song?
The one that goes...
That's it!
Come and sit here so I can hear you better.
Quiet!
Yes, sir!
It's for you.
Sandu here.
I see.
Yes, sir!
The visit has been cancelled. They're going to Constanta instead.
Holy shit!
Now you regret it?
After all we did to get ready!
Excuse me.
What do we do with the carousel?
We'll take a spin!
- Come on! - I'm not going on it!
Comrade Mayor, I said everybody! Come on!
Hey, you, grab the coat! Come on, girl!
What are we waiting for?
Come on, everybody on!
Us too, boss?
- Comrade Mayor! - He has a bad heart!
Shut up!
Luminita, let's swing together!
Comrade Mayor! I said everybody, I mean everybody!
Everybody on!
Watch out!
Stop it, Florica! Comrade Mayor's chucking up!
Florica!
Stop the carousel, Florica!
Where are you, Florica?
Here I am.
Tell them to stop, Comrade Mayor is dying!
Tell who to stop?
How do you stop this thing?
Press the button!
Who's going to press it?
I don't know.
What are you doing up here, Florica?
You said everybody!
Oh, no! Comrade Mayor has fainted!
Stop the carousel!
Florica! Turn it off!
How?
I can't do anything about it.
How long is it going to spin?
Until it runs out of fuel.
How long?
I filled it up this morning!
Stop it once and for all!
Don't worry! The situation's under control!
Quick, or we'll lose Comrade Mayor! Listen to him croaking!
Give him a slap!
- I can't reach! - He mustn't swallow his tongue!
Gogu, shout for someone to stop us!
Hello!
Not like that! We need to yell together!
Help!
Vasile!
Quiet!
What's ringing?
Are they calling us?
Comrade Mayor has woken up!
It's alright for some.
We work all night and they have a party!
Legend has it they were still spinning
when the motorcade turned up at the village
The legend of the Party photographer
This one?
Yes, this one's fine.
Erase the photographer
and lift Comrade Ceausescu to look a bit taller.
Taller? From this angle, he's as tall as the Frenchman.
Stop arguing.
Just a bit taller, I said.
But first, let's take a cigarette break, get some air.
- Which factory are they from? - Timisoara, near home.
Then give me one.
When I see them coming,
I get shivers down my spine.
Don't start that again, uncle.
My poor father was always prepared...
He knew a black Volga might come to pick him up at any time.
When he thought he was OK...
Yeah, then it came!
You know what? Once you're afraid, they've got you anyway.
I bet you have your suitcase ready...
Should I prepare mine, too?
You can laugh...
Because you're too young to know.
Let's get back to work.
Right.
Except I took out the photographer on this one.
It looks better.
So if it's suitable politically...
- What did you cut out? - The journalist.
Well done.
You can't even tell.
But Comrade Secretary looks too... He should look a bit taller.
What do you think, Comrade Costache?
Yes, indeed, he should.
I showed you the first version.
Comrade Technician, you're telling me how to do my job?
Comrade Secretary has decided, so just do what you're told!
I apologize for my young colleague, he's new to all this.
We'll retouch it now.
Making him too tall
might seem bizarre
compared to how he looks on TV.
It's not for you to judge how Comrade Ceausescu looks on TV.
Enough arguing, Comrades.
Your guidelines are clear. Just follow them!
But the guidelines...
Shut up! You've 15 minutes to retouch it!
Mr. Vesper J'Espaing is coming tomorrow.
- Giscard d'Estaing. - Right.
If we don't concentrate on getting the paper out on time...
Relax, Comrade Secretary, we have the summit's program.
The editorial's ready, the 2nd and 3rd pages too.
Only the official photo might cause a slight delay.
Go to the airport, take a quick picture,
retouch it and it's ready to print!
Scanteia must reach the workers first thing in the morning.
Comrade Secretary, we'll do our best!
That won't be necessary, I promise.
Comrades...
The motorcade's just been past. Are they here with the picture?
They should be here by now!
Hurry up!
Stop knocking!
Be quiet! Are you crazy?
You want to put me in jail?
You promised to stop mouthing off.
Go on!
Take these upstairs and, please, no more remarks!
Comrades, I propose this one. It fulfils all requirements.
Yes, but this one's quite good, too.
It's your decision, but we must get a move on.
We have to get the presses rolling by 6.30!
The Party...
May I come in?
Yes, come in.
Come in, then!
Come on!
I didn't want to ruin anything.
You haven't.
Come upstairs with all your photos.
What's wrong now?
They'll tell you.
I've told him to shut up!
I don't want any problems just before retiring.
- Comrade Costache is watching him! - Oh, my...
Gentlemen!
Is there a problem? Perhaps I can help.
The problem is all the photos are the same.
But we've already made the Comrade President taller.
Comrade Ceausescu is bare,
Sorry, I meant bareheaded.
And it's "Mr" Giscard d'Estaing!
Sorry, you're right, of course!
But as the Comrade Party Secretary has noted,
it looks like Comrade Ceausescu
is taking his hat off to Mr. Giscard d'Estaing.
He's taking his hat off to what Mr. Vespar J'Espaing represents!
- Giscard d'Estaing. - Right.
A capitalist society.
Why don't we choose another photo?
- They're all the same. - I'll do the talking!
He's right.
It's a mistake. Protocol wasn't followed.
We'll have to find a solution with the pictures we have.
And fast, if not, we'll miss the train for Suceava.
Scanteia must reach our workers before their morning shift!
That's exactly what I meant.
We'll put a hat on Ceausescu.
Or take Giscard d'Estaing's away.
Ideologically, what is better?
Fuck ideology!
Let's just get this sorted!
It'd be quicker to put
a hat on Comrade President's head.
Let's do it!
I'll see the trains wait in the station!
But have the photo on the front page in half an hour!
Yes, sir!
- Long live the Supreme Commander! - Stop that!
Yes.
We're being as quick as we can!
Of course!
No, it's not quite ready, just a few more minutes...
Inform him, yes.
My respects!
What did he say?
The boss is coming down.
Come in!
Is it ready?
You stay there.
He's feeling weak.
- Is it ready? - The first attempt's drying.
- It looks fine. - It's not finished!
Wait! It still needs retouching!
He's got his hat on. Let's go!
Stop the presses!
- Stop? - Yes! And stop loading outside!
- You'll take responsibility? - Yes!
Stop the presses!
They left the hat in his hand too!
You sent it to the Party?
Yes. The first copies that came out.
But I've stopped printing.
You're taking a taxi?
No. I'll walk to the metro station.
And you?
I'll take a taxi. I'm exhausted after today.
What's the matter?
Good morning.
Throw all the papers down!
You help him!
Hurry up!
That's the lot.
Let's go.
Legend has it that it was the only time
Scanteia didn't reach the workers
The legend of the zealous activist
Dear Comrades,
allow me to present Comrade Decebal Stoenescu.
Comrades!
You've worked hard, followed instructions,
have even surpassed most of the Plan's targets,
Allow me, though, Comrades
to express my disappointment
In the Party's fight to eradicate illiteracy,
it is precisely our county, your county,
which gave our country great minds such as Ciupercescu,
Vladeanu, Boeriu,
Mintoc,
that now figures worst.
It has the highest level
of illiteracy in villages and small towns.
Comrades, communism is not built in offices,
but on the ground
to wipe out illiteracy.
Dear Comrades,
Dear Comrade Secretary Decebal Stoenescu,
I swear before you,
and everybody here
that we will do our utmost to wipe out illiteracy
in the villages and rural localities of our county
by the end of the year.
Comrades, it is the duty of every young activist
to be actively involved
in educating the villages and towns that have been left behind.
I am convinced that each one of them will go out
in order to accomplish this great goal.
The rain's washed the road away.
Is it much further?
See that pylon?
Head for it, take the road,
go over the hill and you'll come to the village.
About 7 kilometers.
That way?
Straight ahead!
Good day!
Do you have something to fix this?
A bit of rope or something...
A piece of wire. Great!
Do you have some water?
Piece of crap.
Thanks.
Buttermilk?
You don't have water?
What you're doing, Comrade, is dangerous.
Is Adancata that way?
Are you dumb?
I have a sore throat.
A draft?
From ice cream,
that my grandson brought.
Thanks.
Comrade Curelea,
Our biggest problem is that we lack electricity.
It comes and goes.
Here, we don't have...
Hello, Radu!
Without it, there's no clinic, no school,
and when it rains heavily
it takes a week to get back to normal.
Hello.
You saw for yourself the state of the roads.
- Lovely sheep! - Yes!
Last year, there was a pregnant woman.
Comrade, I sent her to the clinic on a cart.
She gave birth in the fields!
I'm well aware of this, Comrade Mayor,
but you don't need electricity to study.
Didn't our parents study by lamplight?
You're absolutely right.
I promise by the end of the year,
we'll redouble our efforts
to convince parents to send their kids to school more often.
By cart, on horse, however they can.
No, Comrade Mayor,
not only kids. All workers should reap the fruit of education.
Indeed.
We have a room ready for you.
It's nothing special, but... You are staying the night?
Comrade Mayor, I'll stay as long as necessary.
I want to see the results myself.
We must make sacrifices!
Until a young activist is sent to take care of it,
I'm responsible.
Comrade Curelea, we don't even have a schoolroom.
Here's fine!
What do I need so much space for?
I can sleep anywhere.
It's perfect.
We'll put that bed here.
I'm sure we'll work well together.
Spread the word that anyone illiterate should come tomorrow.
- Party's orders. - I understand.
Good people!
The Comrade Mayor announces
that all illiterate people
must come to the village hall on Monday,
for comrade activist classes.
Good day, Ion.
Ion, the mayor made an announcement.
You must send your grandson to the village hall.
What for?
To learn to read. An order from the county.
OK.
Good day, children.
Good day.
They're all here, Comrade Mayor?
All those that have come.
An illiteracy rate of 10%.
Where are the others?
Some are dead, others are with their animals.
There isn't a single adult.
Comrade Curelea,
there's another factor.
People are ashamed to learn with kids.
You understand?
We'll start with the kids.
In 2 hours, I want a hall full of adults.
No matter their age!
Children...
Comrade Mayor...
I'm busy.
Come back in two hours.
Bring your sister-in-law,
your sister and anyone else
who's at home.
- Good day, Ion. - Hello!
Lon,
Comrade Mayor
wants you at the hall.
What for?
Literacy, they call it.
The Comrade wants to educate us.
But if everyone can write, who'll watch the sheep?
"Those who come to the village hall,"
said Comrade Mayor,
Let the kids go to school,
we're past it.
Here,
for the gentleman. Some good cheese.
Take it when you leave.
I'm not leaving for a week!
I have a mission.
Anything else?
Anybody who's sent presents instead of coming to school
must come tomorrow, or I'll send the police!
I understand.
Dear Comrades,
our Party ensures free education for every citizen.
The world is full of dangers.
We can only avoid them through education.
Here we have
a matchbox.
What is written?
Yes, but what does it say here?
Anybody?
I'll tell you.
"Keep out of the reach of children"
Do you know how many fires
are caused by children playing with matches every year?
No.
Lots!
Innocents shouldn't be sacrificed because of
parental ignorance.
Let's learn the alphabet,
and how to keep out of danger.
Comrade Teacher taught us petrol is dangerous.
If a barn catches fire, we mustn't throw water on it.
Take this.
Grandad, this can is no good.
What's wrong with it?
Let's see.
It's fine.
S-H-E-E-P.
Sheep.
Come on, Comrades, louder, a bit of enthusiasm.
The kids are putting you to shame.
Fine. Homework for tomorrow.
Write three sentences in your notebooks,
from a book, a newspaper or something from home.
- Understood? - Yes.
You didn't bring your grandfather?
He said he had to milk the sheep!
Comrade Topala!
Do-not-touch
or-fallen-wires. Danger.
Can you die if you touch the pylon?
Not at all.
Comrade Teacher told us not to touch an electrocuted person.
We could be electrocuted too.
- The Comrade isn't a teacher. - So what is he?
An activist.
What's an activist?
Tudorut, you're too little.
You'll understand when you grow up.
Hello, Ion.
Hello. Are you on holiday?
I'm sorry, you have to go to school tomorrow.
It's better if you come willingly.
For God's sake!
Get out of here!
- Moise. - Yes.
- Gavrila. - Yes.
Burgheala.
Acasandrei.
Acasandrei!
He's not here.
Fine.
Then I'll go get him.
- Check the homework. - Yes, Comrade!
- What? - The Comrade Teacher's electrocuted!
Look!
Lon!
Knowing Comrade Georgian Curelea
has been a blessing for our village.
He's opened our eyes to the dangers around us
and taught us
how to be true citizens of our country.
Even though he has left us far too soon,
we will continue our fight,
with all our strength, against ignorance.
Dear Comrades,
thank you
for your hospitality.
I'm sure you now love learning!
Yes!
And I'm sure you will continue studying
with Comrade Teacher Adriana.
Comrade Mayor
will present you with your diplomas.
All the best!
- Hello, Ion! - Hello, Dumitre!
Legend has it by the end of the year,
the village reported a literacy rate of 99%
The legend of the greedy policeman
Come along, on the double.
- Good morning. - Hello.
Is your father home?
He's gone to change the gas cylinder.
He took mine too.
I don't want to see you without your hat.
Your mother made the sandwiches?
- What sort? - Sibiu salami.
- What's your first class? - History.
With Comrade Vasilescu?
Hold on,
she's given the tests back?
History? Well...
No, no! Not yet!
Come on! Off to school!
- Careful crossing the road. - OK.
Smoking those smelly things again!
What time did they get here?
Morning.
I have two bottles.
Whose is the other cap?
My neighbor's, Alexa, from the first floor.
The policeman? Is he a Captain?
No, a Sergeant.
Why didn't he come himself?
He has trouble getting out of bed?
We help each other out.
If we have a test,
will you help me out?
Go on, my marks are bad.
- Don't be like that. - Yes, I'll help you!
- You going to Georgiana's party? - I'm not invited.
I am.
If you give her your sandwich every day...
You're stupid. She likes me.
Yeah, sure she does.
Let me copy your maths.
Don't do it exactly the same!
I'll change it.
Good morning!
Comrade Vasilescu is absent, so we'll do physics, OK?
Yes.
First the anthem.
Georgiana.
Two, three and...
Three colors
I know in the world
That recall a noble people
Known
for courage
In battle victorious
Who's absent?
Today, there are six.
- Who? - Busuioc.
- What's wrong with him? - His mother's sick.
- Who else? - Marin.
Want some? It's with mortadella.
- What's his problem? - He has a cold.
With Sibiu salami.
- Who else? - Tomescu.
Loredana! Put that banana away!
You're making the others hungry.
Get out a piece of paper.
First subject: States of matter.
Everybody's writing?
And second: The gaseous state.
Will you help me?
My marks are bad...
Sibiu salami, right?
Sorry, I won't do it again. You forgive me?
I'll bring you some pork rind tomorrow.
- Pork rind? You're a liar! - I'm not!
My uncle, Fane, is bringing my father a pig.
Alexa, turn round!
Four:
Factors that influence temperature.
Rind...
and sausages...
and the pig's ear.
Stop it, back there!
- Good afternoon! - Hello.
Shrimps?
Frozen sardines.
Any pork for Christmas?
No.
Drop by tomorrow. I'll have some pork shank.
At what time?
Look what I found the kids for Christmas.
Well done!
What a feat!
Dad!
What is it?
Uncle Fane's here!
- How are you doing? - Fine.
- Hello! - Good evening.
- Where's your father? - On his way down.
- How are you? - Fine.
Still want to be a doctor?
- Your mother? - Fine.
Hello.
Quick, I can't drive after midnight with the restrictions.
What the...
Shut it!
What?
What the hell is that?
It's a pig!
It's alive.
So the doctor can see it's fresh.
- What can I do with a live pig? - Slaughter it.
Where? In front of the block?
Want the neighbors to kill me before Christmas?
Hello.
Your brother-in-law's brought a live pig.
Goodness, it's fat!
Half for you, half for the doctor
who's tutoring Viviana.
How do we go about slaughtering it?
Fane, why did you bring it alive?
So the doctor can see it's "fresh"!
Get inside! Go and do your homework!
And take Mircea with you! Go on, Mircea, scram.
Let's take it upstairs and then we'll see!
Check nobody's around.
You take the front legs.
- Does it bite? - It's not a dog!
- I don't know, out of fear! - No, no, he's tame.
Put it down!
- Shall we untie it? - No, bring the blanket.
We'll put it on the blanket.
Hold the door.
- Costica! - Leave it here.
That's it.
Talk to him, say his name.
Costica!
You drive me crazy!
Wait, wait!
One, two...
Easy! Leave it here.
It's waking the whole neighborhood!
I'll be arrested.
Fane, what have you done to me?
It squeals if you look at it, never mind killing it!
If we turn the TV up, will they hear then?
Of course they will!
We can't slaughter it. It'll squeal the whole block awake.
What if we strangle it?
Lon?
How about shooting it?
Go do your homework.
I've done it.
Do it again!
Danut!
- What's up? - The pig's alive.
I'm not sure they'll kill it tonight.
I don't care. You said you'd bring rind tomorrow!
What if they don't kill it by tomorrow?
That's your problem.
So?
I've untied it.
- Where's Uncle Fane? - He left.
I've an idea...
Get out and don't let me set eyes on you.
Let him speak. What is it?
How about gassing him?
Go to your room and do your homework!
You want us to set the apartment on fire?
After, we open the windows and the butane goes out.
Because it's lighter than air.
We did it today at school.
See what they teach them at school!
You heard?
Off you go!
Listen...
Get the bottle from Grigore's.
At this hour? He'll want to know what it's for!
So? Tell him!
What? That I'm gassing a pig? Are you serious?
No! Say you're burning the hair off!
We'll have to share some with him too!
Then tell him we need to bake a cake.
Two weeks before Christmas? Great idea!
Mircea!
- What? - Do you have Purfix at home?
What's that?
Purfix tape. For insulating windows.
- What do you need it for? - I need it.
Let me have a look.
- What's that for? - I need it.
- What for? - For school.
- Wash your hands, dinner's ready. - OK.
It's Ion.
- Good evening. - Come in.
Sorry to bother you this late. I need the gas cylinder.
- You did fill it? - Of course.
- Hello! - Good evening.
I'd have brought it, but you said there was no hurry.
The kids had a class today about butane gas.
I want to show my boy how it works. His marks aren't good.
You're so lucky with Mircea.
Careful, they leak sometimes.
- Goodnight. - Goodnight.
Costica!
Let's herd him into the kitchen.
- He's so hairy! - That's how pigs are.
The ones I've seen were bald.
Those already had the hair burned off.
Close the door!
Well done. He's in.
How are we going to burn the hair?
Let's see him stretched out on the table first.
I'm so scared!
Turn off the lights and don't strike any matches.
Everything will be OK.
Please, take out the fuse!
Get out of my way! Move it!
- I feel sorry for him. - As if you didn't eat aspic!
No, we'll make sausages with him.
- And blood sausage? - Definitely!
What was that?
I think that's for the plugs.
Unplug everything. It's safer.
The freezer will defrost.
So what? Let's be on the safe side.
I'm scared stiff!
Quiet! There! It's all disconnected.
Don't you worry.
Now how will you turn on the gas?
Shouldn't you have turned it on first?
It would've been dangerous.
Quiet now. Behave!
That damn stupid pig went for me!
What have you broken?
Listen to yourself! "What have you broken?"
The soda water bottle, that's what!
He bit me and you're worried about breakage.
I think I've cut my leg. I'm bleeding.
Shall we turn the light back on?
We're not turning anything on!
Go to the bathroom and clean up.
Danut, go out on the balcony until I call you!
- Can I listen to the radio? - No!
- It runs on batteries! - So what?
You want to blow us all up? Don't listen to anything!
Help me, I feel faint.
Don't frighten me!
It's nothing. It's just the strain...
Did you take your tablets?
No, I'll just lie down.
Not here. You'll stain the couch.
Sit on the edge of the bath.
- Goodnight. - Goodnight.
- Wanna smoke? - Don't light it!
- It's a Carpati! - Don't light it!
Why not?
- We'll all blow up! - Blow up?
Our gas cylinder leaks.
We're out in the open. Nothing will happen.
You're stupid.
You are! I won't give you anything tomorrow.
Danut!
- Stay outside. - I'm freezing.
Don't move.
Can we turn the lights on?
We need some fresh air first.
OK, I'm going in.
- Is he moving? - Shut up!
What have I done now?
I couldn't see.
It's stopped grunting.
We should've waited longer.
It's very late.
We've got to burn it and cut it up yet.
Luckily we had that gas.
It's all gone.
- What? - The gas.
We'll ask Grigore for theirs.
They don't cook much for Christmas.
- They might become suspicious. - We'll give them something.
After all the trouble we've had! We won't give them anything.
Come on...
go out onto the balcony, I'll turn the lights on.
Wouldn't it be better to wait until morning
and do it then?
What if he's not dead and he starts grunting again?
My God, I'm so afraid.
I'm a soldier, remember?
If I catch fire, throw a blanket over me.
The camel hair one?
Which one?
The yellow one.
That's fine.
No water. Just the blanket and call an ambulance.
Stop talking like that. I'm already scared.
Shout when you're outside!
- Did something happen? - No! It was just a draft.
Does it still smell?
No.
Not anymore.
OK, I'm putting the fuse back in.
Great! We got away with it.
Thank God!
Is it moving?
It looks dead.
Here, use this.
Take that thing away!
Stone dead.
- We did it! - Thank God!
Now, the hard part. Look how hairy it is!
- Get the blowtorch! - No, I'm afraid.
Really! I am.
Stop it, you're driving me crazy.
Look, I'll light a match.
Afraid, afraid... You drive me crazy.
Look!
You scared me!
See?
Close the window. You're letting the heat out.
Aren't you asleep?
No.
- We're burning the hair. - Now?
What's it to you?
Good morning!
Good morning. Sit down.
I wanted to tell you...
Danut, what happened to you?
- Nothing. - Nothing?
He faced a pig explosion!
A pig explosion?
A pig bomb.
Enough!
Danut, sit down.
What, Georgiana?
Today's my birthday.
Happy birthday! Best wishes. Let me give you a kiss.
Lead us in, please.
Happy birthday!
Two, three and...
Legend has it that the family used
what remained of the animal for the seasonal celebrations